Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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