i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
