Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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