Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm too high and old for this...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
