My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
