$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
