Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
