Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
