i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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