some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Less talking, more tequila
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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