how can u be prego again
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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