I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
