my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
