That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
