____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
