Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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