I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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