It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
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