i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Sacagawea was the original milf.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
