I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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