I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
