dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
