Who wears a wallet chain?!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
