Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
