Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
