hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
