hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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