hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
