I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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