oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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