I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
