Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
