2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You smell like stripper and shame
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
