So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
