using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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