And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
