my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
