I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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