you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
