you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Randomize
