I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm having to shit out rocks
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