I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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