Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
