There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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