My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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