took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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