Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
