Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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