woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
