Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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