i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
